We don't discuss it often, but drugs are still a thing even here in Nowhere. Recently, a 20 something year old model who transplanted here from LA has started speaking publicly about being addicted to a dangerous new street drug, one known for altering womens looks and building them into societies idea of perfection. It's called...Photoshop. Sally Dowel was only 14 when she took her first hit of the drug. "I remember, I was in school...some of the less popular girls were in the bathroom and were talking about why they couldn't be prettier so they'd be asked to the winter formal. Then one of them, her dad was a photographer and he'd just gotten his hands on this new thing called Photoshop. We swore we'd only use it once...some of us were able to control it but...one hit was enough. Before I knew it, I was clicking and deleting and resizing everything about me and I haven't stopped since." It's certainly worked in her favor. She's been on every magazine cover in the business, she's a very successful runway model, and she's even got a new book coming out; a tell all about the lectures she's been giving to young girls about this dangerous life altering drug, and how they can make sure they don't too fall under its allure. This isn't the first time that Photoshop has been used in the business however. One model several years ago died after excessive use of the program. Police found her airbrushed to death in her apartment. Nowhere Police Chief Richard Myrick says, "She might have been dead, but she looked damn good." So, afraid YOUR teenage daughter is using this drug? Want to know what you can do about it? Sally says the best education is to talk to your kids and tell them why fixing their red eye is not a good idea. How cropping is a gateway drug to other photo altering. And the worst part? Photoshop isn't even the only drug on the street. It has a number of competitors. Sally says, "Some of the poorer girls who can't afford it go for the alternatives, which are just as dangerous if not more so; Gimp, Pixelmater, you name it. There's hundreds of these things. Recently we've been seeing an uptick in Instagram, which, while not the same kind of drug, is definitely a gateway to hardcore photo editing." So talk to your kids, and let them know they're beautiful as they are. That filters, dog ears and all the other tools are not worth turning themselves inside out for. The more young girls see other, natural looking women online, the more they'll recognize that it's okay to look like a normal human being. And, if you find out that your daughter, or son, is being influenced and using Photoshop or any of the other alternatives, you should get them into rehab immediately. It's grown into such a problem, that grown women who're getting married, are demanding they be retouched in their wedding photos. Something that should be pure and beautiful is now tainted by this horrible drug addiction. Let's save our kids, and kill the pictures. Soliel Bovier, 24, Writer of the Hot Mess fashion column for Nowhere Online News and owner of at least 4 and a half cats
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The last thing Miss Gabby Burko thought she'd encounter last week was a new memo from the company she worked at that was now requiring female employees to sexually harass the male employees, but let's take a step back and start at the beginning.
Gabby Burko isn't the first woman to experience sexual harassment in the workplace. Most, if not all, woman will or do or have experienced sexual harassment at one time or another, either at work or just walking down the street. One woman, Kathy Turner, in prison for attempted murder, even told us, "I was right in the middle of stabbing him in the neck with a knitting needle and he still tried to hit on me. Like, even while being murdered he couldn't keep it in his pants. Ridiculous." But now, the tables have turned. Female CEOS have decided that they'll make sure men know what it feels like to be harassed so that maybe they themselves won't participate in such behavior. The memo Miss Burko was given gives such ideas as, "Compliment his appearance in an uncomfortable way" or "Tell him how you'd like to do things to him, whether he wants them or not". While some women think this is a ridiculous thing to do, stating that men are already sexually harassed and that this sort of reverse treatment merely hurts the feminist movement, the CEOS are still going ahead with their plan. We spoke with Janet Tillman, the head of a local feminist movement, to get her take on the situation: "I think it's ridiculous. You know, you constantly read articles that're like 'I sent e-mails as a woman for a week and it made me realize how bad they have it!' and for one, it's like okay, why didn't you just, ya know, believe us? But secondly, the entire concept of feminism is that both men and women are hurt by these things. Men are harassed just as often, men are raped, men are victims of spousal abuse. We don't want those things to happen to either group, not just women, and that's where most people lose it I think. They think that feminism is only for women. It's not. Doing this sort of puts us back into toxic traditional gender roles instead of moving us forward." And she's right. I spent the day watching women harass men at Miss Burkos place of work, and the behavior I saw only made things worse. Not only did some men not react well to it, from either going home early to getting actually violent towards their new 'oppressors', but the women in the end felt just as bad for having carried through with said memo. "In the end," Tillman told me, "It just sort of makes everyone look like a piece of shit." So what's the solution? Some suggest even more sensitivity training, while others claim people are far too sensitive to begin with and that sensitivity is the cause of this whole problem to begin with. Some go so far as to suggest separation of the sexes while they're at work, but that doesn't really work. We need to learn to work together, not be so scared that we stay apart, Society isn't going to continue if we don't stop hurting one another. Then again, on my way out, one man stated, "If women just took things as compliments instead of getting offended, we wouldn't even have this problem!" I punched him directly in the face. Hey. If he didn't want that sort of attention, he shouldn't have been asking for it. May Roach, 34, Journalist Writer of the column, "Please Kill Me Already" over at "Healthy Living Magazine" |
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May 2018
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