News from the capitol of Nowhere, US today leads us to believe that a new Polite Society bill is coming down the pipes. From our sources, we've been told that it's likely not just a singular bill, but that this is merely a portion stuck into a larger Polite Society bill that will be signed into law later this year. The only thing our source could gleam from this information was The Smiles Tax. The tax, which some say will only effect women, is aiming at increasing smiling at eachother overall, especially in public. Supposedly, bosses can now make their female employees smile or lower their wages if they do not comply, but we'll see when the bill actually comes out in full. However, this raises some serious questions about the happiness about our citizens. Are we so miserable in Nowhere, US that we now have to be taxed to smile? Apparently, if you smile, you will get a break on your taxes, and if you do not smile, your taxes will go up ever so slightly. They've already passed the Personable People Act back in 2011, so to think that this would be so far fetched is ridiculous. This is exactly the kind of thing they would do. According to this infographic from the City Halls own "journalistic" group, people like smiles. The Polite Society bills have not been favorable with the citizens of Nowhere, US and yet they continue to be written and effectively passed. About 4 months ago, they passed a smaller amendment to an earlier Polite Society bill which they called "Section 14, Article 37; Mandatory Eye Contact" in which they state: "If you are being served, either in a restaurant or a store, you are to be given proper eye contact and give it back. It indicates that you are interested and devoted to this conversation, passing as it may be." Obviously this didn't sit well with those who have trouble doing such a thing, like those on the Autistic scale, but it passed anyway because as one of our top law makers said last year: "Who needs the handicapped? Ramps, parking spots, inhalers and all kinds of special needs equipment. They just make us spend more money, and then the public gets mad at us for spending so much when they should get mad at the handicapped for making us do so!" His own son is handicapped, ironically enough, but it didn't make much of a difference, because nobody really cares about those in need. That's what we at this newspaper company have been trying to tell you forever. This new, proposed Polite Society bill is set to be released to the public for comment, and not voting because why give us choice or say in the matter, in a few months time. May Roach, 34, Journalist Writer of the column "Please Kill Me Already" over at "Healthy Living Magazine"
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May 2018
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