A sex scandal has left the city of Nowhere, US in shambles this past week, when high ranking City Councilman Kenneth Wrangleman, who was elected 3 years ago after running on hardcore anti-homosexual policies, was found being intimate in a public restroom with a rainbow. Wrangleman, who's stated publicly in the past his hatred of the queer community, has since come out himself, admitting to his coupling with the rainbow. He ran during the 2014 election solely on unfounded fear and prejudice and managed to eek out a win after his opponent was found having to have used her home phone to make phone calls, not even to other politicians, just to her family. Wrangleman held a press conference yesterday, where he discussed his current situation: "Listen, I...I know what my supporters are thinking. They're thinking 'well hey, I voted for this guy who hated the same things I do despite them not actually effecting my day to day life, what gives?!' and I hear you, but what goes on between a grown man and a rainbow is of no public interest. Did I run on anti-gay policies despite being gay? Yes. Did I lie to get elected? Of course. But I'm a politician. It's what we do. To expect anything better or different, that's your own fault." Just scant months earlier, Wrangleman was speaking happily to the press about the push of support for his current bill trying to be passed that bans all rainbows from coming into Nowhere, US, stating "they promote the gay lifestyle" and are a "gateway sexuality". Now, however, this bill seems to be losing steam and support, as other politicians, even openly homophobic ones who once endorsed Wrangleman, are fleeing from his side, not for the sake of being good people, but just because they think it makes them look better if they aren't standing right beside the guy. We talked to local noted gay activist here in Nowhere who's running for city board next year, Mikayla Nikols, to get her viewpoint on the story. "If he thinks suddenly being open about his sexuality after how he's treated us publicly is going to get him welcomed with open arms into the community, he's not thinking too straight, and I mean that with no pun intended. Just because he ended up being gay himself doesn't undo all his behavior. It's one thing if you're self loathing about your homosexuality before coming to terms with it, but to be self loathing on a public platform, on the scale that politicians do, where they actually influence the people listening to them to also hate us, that's unforgivable. I cannot condone that simply because he now suddenly, only when he's caught, decides to admit he too loves fucking rainbows." Mikayla Nikols has made quite a splash here in Nowhere over the last 5 years or so. She not only launched the cities first, and still major, downtown queer youth support group, but she is now, as we said, running next year to be elected to the city board herself, so she knows her people have a real voice in this community. "I am so goddamned tired of being reduced to another keypoint on someones fucking political agenda. I'm not a fuckin' economic plan or something, I'm a human fucking being. I'm tired of being just something else they can talk about as a 'political standpoint'," she told us, "Honestly, I would like to hear the rainbows side of this. That's the real story." Things aren't looking too good for Wrangleman right now, and don't expect them to get any better anytime soon either. Since this incident, it's also come out that he not only steals utensils from restaurants and parks in handicapped spaces, but his wife isn't even really a person. It's just a coatrack he dresses us for when he needs to make public appearances. How nobody caught that one sooner is beyond us. We reached out to Wrangleman, and his coatrack wife, for comment, but he wouldn't talk to us and she couldn't respond. Probably because she's a coatrack. Joseph Lorne, 41 Stay at home dad and our Political Advisor
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Someone
12/18/2017 09:55:38 pm
Interesting idea, I really like it. I would like to see more
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12/18/2017 11:00:14 pm
Hey, thanks for liking it! I hope you keep coming back for the latest news here at Nowhere, US Online Newspaper. We're currently only posting every Sunday, but we're hoping to start publishing at least 3 days a week!
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